Simplicity

Recently an old friend asked me if I had to name one feature about Primal Therapy that distinguishes it from other therapies what would it be? After some thought and of course explaining that there are numerous differences between Primal and other therapies I said, “Alright, then I choose simplicity”. Later while reflecting on my answer I remembered a story Barry once told me. He had begun therapy with a young man who told him that he had come to therapy primarily because he could not maintain any relationship. He found that the friendship would begin with the best intentions, he would be filled with hope, but time after time it would somehow end in failure and despair. On top of that he wanted answers as to why it was he who seemed to be chief saboteur. This young patient had explored a variety of therapies before reading The Primal Scream and deciding he wanted to come to the Institute. By the time he met Barry however, he was feeling pretty hopeless about ever getting to the root of his problems and he certainly did not believe he could make any real or lasting change in his life. At some point Barry decided to call this man’s previous therapist for consultation, a very bright and affable psychiatrist who had worked with this patient for about a year. Barry asked this psychiatrist what was his view of the young patient and how had they been approaching his therapy in the past year? “Well,” said the psychiatrist ” On Axis I I believe he has Schizo-Affective Disorder and on Axis II I am thinking Avoidant Personality Disorder”. “Uh Huh” said Barry.  “What is your view Dr Bernfeld, what might be at the core of this patients inability to have intimacy in his life? “Barry answered without a pause,” I tend to think it probably has something to do with his mom abandoning him when he was three.” Now trust me when I tell you this next part is one hundred percent the truth. After a full minute of speechlessness the psychiatrist then says to Barry “My God that is brilliant, however did you think of that? “Barry’s simple answer “the patient told me”. That really is the point isn’t it, in Primal our answers will come from within. It is simple. Our understanding will come easily from the pain inside each of us, from our memories and our ability to feel and integrate them. I too remember a case that further illustrates this point. I worked with someone who could not say what she felt – ever. Confrontation, forget about it! She could not speak to save her life – literally. After years of trying to “figure” it out and after a decade of asking a previous therapist to explain it to her, she came to Primal. In the first session she began to cry as she told me about a lifetime of having no voice. Now I have had many years of schooling and countless years of training so I had the my most inspired psychological questions at my disposal. Reaching in to my arsenal, I knew what I needed, something both cunning and crafty with maybe just a touch of sophistication and a sprinkling of innovation and finally, with that in hand, I took a breath and asked her,”What happened?” and guess what? She told me. Simple.          Gretchen